riddler

The Monday Poll - Happy Holidays

Maybe it was the stringing of the lights this weekend or making mini bacon potato frittatas for the potluck today (I have gone so suburban), but it's got me asking...

Poll #886577 Happy Holidays.

Which of these are absolutely necessary for a happy holidays?

presents, presents, presents!
0(0.0%)
chestnuts roasting on an open fire
0(0.0%)
quality time with family and/or friends
0(0.0%)
the perfect outfit
0(0.0%)
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
0(0.0%)
tons of gorgeous food
0(0.0%)
the perfect decorations, the perfect house, the perfect place settings
0(0.0%)
eggnog, with or without "Uncle Manny's secret ingredient"
0(0.0%)
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
0(0.0%)
Uncle Manny's secret ingredient
0(0.0%)
the thrill of the hunt in shopping malls
0(0.0%)
the perfect present
0(0.0%)
tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
0(0.0%)
all the sparkly lights!
0(0.0%)
the smell of pine, and of baking cookies
0(0.0%)
mulled wine
0(0.0%)
remembering those in need, in prayer or deed
0(0.0%)
folks dressed up as Eskimos
0(0.0%)
merry tickying to all
1(7.7%)
Other (spread the cheer in comments?)
0(0.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Weather

Poll #881704 Weather.

Oh, the weather outside...

is frightful.
1(8.3%)
is sunny, windy, dry, 70s (F).
1(8.3%)
has snow piled up to my wuzzamaroo.
1(8.3%)
is rain, dreary rain.
0(0.0%)
is like paradise, only nicer.
0(0.0%)
is summer in my part of the world.
0(0.0%)
is okay, until the butterflies start flapping their wings.
0(0.0%)
is a typhoon, but just a small one.
0(0.0%)
is balmy and mild, until the meteor showers hit.
0(0.0%)
consists of cats and dogs with intermittent rain of frogs.
1(8.3%)
has mild volcanic flurries with a possibility of heavy Apocalypse later tonight.
1(8.3%)
is a mystery. I never go outside.
0(0.0%)
is tickying all the darned time.
0(0.0%)
Other (precipitate discussion in comments?)
1(8.3%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Families

Poll #876384 Families.

Families...

are the backbone of society
0(0.0%)
are the backbone of neurosis
0(0.0%)
are the only thing that matters in the end
0(0.0%)
are minefields
0(0.0%)
can be inherited or chosen
2(10.5%)
want what's best for you, as long as it's what they want
0(0.0%)
will be there for you when no one else will
0(0.0%)
can rip you up the most
1(5.3%)
can be a pain, but not having any is painful
0(0.0%)
are always dysfunctional, it's just a matter of degree
0(0.0%)
are contradictory and chaotic, just like life
1(5.3%)
are a rich source of subject matter
0(0.0%)
remind us that the most important thing in life is to love and be loved in return
0(0.0%)
are ticky
0(0.0%)
Other (propagate in comments?)
0(0.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Rich and Famous

Happy pre-Thanksgiving, everyone.

Poll #871882 Rich and famous.

If I became rich and famous, I would...

tithe ten percent (or more) of my income to charity
0(0.0%)
buy myself a posse of sycophants to be obnoxious on my behalf
0(0.0%)
buy all my poor relations houses and/or cars
0(0.0%)
stage all the events in my life for maximum publicity value, such as the birth of a child or my wedding in Italy
0(0.0%)
use my fame and influence to stick up for the little guy
1(6.7%)
screw the little guy to get more fame and money
0(0.0%)
use my fame and influence to promote my religion/my cause/my politics
0(0.0%)
buy myself an island and build a compound on it
0(0.0%)
isolate myself in my compound and have "the help" screen all calls and visitors
0(0.0%)
buy myself a huge tract of land and build low-income housing on it
0(0.0%)
build myself a huge fricking mausoleum
0(0.0%)
name my child Apple or Scout or Moon Unit and explain to them, when all the kids at school tease them unmercifully for it, that the little people just don't understand creativity
0(0.0%)
buy the school and throw out all the kids who teased my kid unmercifully
0(0.0%)
whine publicly about how harassed and persecuted I am
0(0.0%)
try really hard to live a good life, do some good, and be considerate of the rest of the world
2(13.3%)
give it all up and join an ashram/monastery/live in a cave
0(0.0%)
hire people to tick tickys for me
0(0.0%)
make sure I tick all my own tickys to keep myself humble
0(0.0%)
just plain ticky, thanks
0(0.0%)
Other (spread your wealth in the comments?)
0(0.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Foodies

The first of these questions will probably work better for those who actually watch food and cooking shows, but the second is much more general.

Poll #866695 Foodies.

Food/cooking show hosts should be:

cute, perky, bubbly, 30-minute cooks who pose in men's magazines.
2(14.3%)
balding, witty, in-love with good eats, and erudite.
1(7.1%)
earthy, Southern, middle-aged, and in-love with butter.
1(7.1%)
flashy, music-loving, and prone to yelling "Bam!"
0(0.0%)
decadent, sarcastic, cynical, tattooed, chain-smoking, and well-traveled.
1(7.1%)
young, nakedly English, enthusiastic, and lisping.
1(7.1%)
prone to issuing food cook-off challenges to local food stars.
0(0.0%)
British and in-love with the F word.
1(7.1%)
able to prepare a mean ticky.
0(0.0%)
Other (whip up some comments?)
0(0.0%)

My favorite type of food is:

Southern American or soul food.
0(0.0%)
any food I don't have to cook myself.
0(0.0%)
Italian.
0(0.0%)
open a can and heat.
0(0.0%)
French.
0(0.0%)
comes in a cardboard box.
0(0.0%)
Thai, Korean.
0(0.0%)
"just add hot water."
0(0.0%)
Mexican, Cuban, Argentinean.
0(0.0%)
stirred, not shaken.
0(0.0%)
Japanese.
0(0.0%)
found at a church bazaar.
0(0.0%)
Szechwan, Cantonese, Mandarin.
0(0.0%)
whatever's on my plate.
1(5.9%)
African.
0(0.0%)
accompanied by the sound of a coffee grinder.
0(0.0%)
Indian.
0(0.0%)
dessert.
0(0.0%)
Middle Eastern.
0(0.0%)
I haven't eaten since 1978.
0(0.0%)
Filippino.
0(0.0%)
the one type of food you haven't named here! How could you leave it out?!?
1(5.9%)
Tickystanian
0(0.0%)
Other (now's your chance)
0(0.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Zombies

Since I've already done a poll about ghosts, I decided to do zombies this time. Granted, I should have run this poll the day before Halloween, but Life interfered with my celebration of the Undead, so...better a week late than...undead.

Poll #861492 Zombies

Zombies...

are better heard and not seen.
0(0.0%)
would sooner gnaw off your arm than look at you.
0(0.0%)
tried to start a campaign to be called Reanimated Americans, but kept eating their legislators.
0(0.0%)
have serious B.O.
1(10.0%)
do not make good pets unless you are heavily into black magic.
1(10.0%)
bite the hand that feeds them.
0(0.0%)
would like to discuss the Descartesian implications of their existence--but their brains have rotted.
0(0.0%)
cannot be house trained.
0(0.0%)
adore ladyfingers.
0(0.0%)
have the coolest fashion sense.
0(0.0%)
are even greedier than politicians.
0(0.0%)
welcome all "Get out the Vote" canvassers.
0(0.0%)
just keep on ticky-ing.
1(10.0%)
Other (comments, if your fingers haven't rotted off)
1(10.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Age

[Lear.] How old art thou?
[Kent.] (disguised as Caius) Not so young, sir, to love a woman for singing, nor so
old to dote on her for any thing.

—William Shakespear, King Lear 1.4.9-39


If you could be 17 again, would you go back?

Yes
3(15.8%)
No
13(68.4%)
Ticky
1(5.3%)

If you could be 17 again and know all you know now, would you go back?

Yes
11(55.0%)
No
6(30.0%)
Ticky
1(5.0%)

What age range would you like to stay forever and ever?

1-12
0(0.0%)
13-15
0(0.0%)
16-19
0(0.0%)
20-30
5(25.0%)
31-40
4(20.0%)
41-50
0(0.0%)
51-60
0(0.0%)
61-70
0(0.0%)
"Old age ain't for sissies."
1(5.0%)
I don't want to live forever
2(10.0%)
Youth is overrated
1(5.0%)
Don't trust anyone over 20
0(0.0%)
"Hope I die before I get old."
0(0.0%)
Ticky
1(5.0%)
Other (make any old comments you like)
1(5.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Theme Songs

If you weren't around in the 60s and don't know the songs, it's no big deal (though iTunes has all these). This is mostly a titles thing.

Poll #846087 Theme songs.

Which of these 60s song comes closest to being the theme song for your life?

I Feel Like I'm Fixin to Die Rag - Country Joe and the Fish
0(0.0%)
Expecting to Fly - Buffalo Springfield
0(0.0%)
The Tears of a Clown - Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
0(0.0%)
Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
2(20.0%)
Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
0(0.0%)
I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bun) - the Four Tops
0(0.0%)
A Whiter Shade of Pale - Procol Harum
1(10.0%)
Don't Talk to Strangers - the Beau Brummels
0(0.0%)
A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall - Bob Dylan
0(0.0%)
Sunshine Superman - Donovan
1(10.0%)
Eight Miles High - the Byrds
0(0.0%)
I Feel the Earth Move - Carol Kane
0(0.0%)
Sunshine of Your Love - Cream
0(0.0%)
Light My Fire - the Doors
0(0.0%)
Baby Love - the Supremes
0(0.0%)
I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night - the Electric Prunes
1(10.0%)
Do You Believe in Magic? - the Lovin' Spoonful
3(30.0%)
Can't Seem to Make You Mine - the Seeds
0(0.0%)
Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
0(0.0%)
Ain't Too Proud to Beg - the Temptations
0(0.0%)
The Rhythm of the Tick - the Tickytones
1(10.0%)
Other (sing out in the comments?)
0(0.0%)
riddler

The Monday Poll - Torture

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in the non-opinions of this poll are not necessarily opinions.


Poll #840679 Torture.

What practices constitute cruel and unusual punishment, i.e., torture?

Forced to listen to 48 hours straight of polka music.
0(0.0%)
Being deprived of lattes for 48 eight hours.
0(0.0%)
Forced to listen to opera for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Made to listen to George W. Bush, Condoleeza Rice, or Arnold Schwarzenegger talk for longer than 10 seconds, or 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Forced to listen to rap for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Made to read poetry for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Forced to listen to country music for 48 hours straight.
1(6.2%)
Made to play bingo for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Forced to listen to Yanni and John Tesh for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Waterboarding, sexual humiliation, sleep deprivation, threats to family, psychological intimidation, now permissible under the Bush Administration's revised Geneva Convention.
2(12.5%)
Being asked to tick tickies for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Other (torture us in comments?)
0(0.0%)

If you had to choose your torture, which would you choose?

Forced to listen to 48 hours straight of polka music.
0(0.0%)
Being deprived of lattes for 48 eight hours.
5(33.3%)
Forced to listen to opera for 48 hours straight.
2(13.3%)
Made to listen to George W. Bush, Condoleeza Rice, or Arnold Schwarzenegger talk for longer than 10 seconds, or 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Forced to listen to rap for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Made to read poetry for 48 hours straight.
3(20.0%)
Forced to listen to country music for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Made to play bingo for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Forced to listen to Yanni and John Tesh for 48 hours straight.
0(0.0%)
Waterboarding, sexual humiliation, sleep deprivation, threats to family, psychological intimidation, now permissible under the Bush Administration's revised Geneva Convention.
0(0.0%)
Being asked to tick tickies for 48 hours straight.
2(13.3%)